My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
