Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
