i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
