she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize