Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
