At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
