I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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