All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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