just tell him i said nine months
I wish I only lived at night.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
