You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
