it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
