I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
