Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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