I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
