Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
