it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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