saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
