no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
