sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
