How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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