Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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