Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
