drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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