Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
