His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
