I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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