Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize