You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Is it because I queefed?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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