I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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