i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
