we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
