I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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