He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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