Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I feel great
I just peed on a car
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
