like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
