I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize