I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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