I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
