Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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