Sry I called you an 8
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
