:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
