I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
