Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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