just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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