Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
