never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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