i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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