hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
