christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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