I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
