you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
