Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
