Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
