im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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