"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
two words: eviction party
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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