you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
