1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
