note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
