You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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