Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
