Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
