please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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