Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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