You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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