My nipple is on Facebook.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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