Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
