Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
