Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
